Help I'm falling for you
by goldacharmed
Summary: Takes place after Electric Kiss. SPOLER WORNING. Kyle reflects on why his relationship is on the rocks. He wants things to go back the way they were...right? While depressed he gets comfort from the last person he wants it from.


Help I'm falling for you.

I watched her back growing father and father away, her beautiful blond hair waving with the motion of her shoulders.

This was not supposed to happen, to say the least. In hurting Amanda, I felt as though I was the one who was hurt. But at the same time I didn't feel I deserved anything but this pain.

For not only had I hurt Amanda, but her words had hurt me almost as much as my kiss with Jessie had hurt her.

I told myself over and over that it was to be filed under "Amanda didn't know about the _real_ reason me and Jessie had a connection", and tried to ignore that part of the fiasco. It really disturbed me to no end that my heart was not just flooded with pain but with guilt too. "Maybe", I asked myself; "just maybe I enjoyed my kiss with Jessie…"

_It scares me now this right here, _

_Didn't want it to happen, my dear, _

_Just trying to get rid of pain, _

_Cause right now it's driven me insane_

A day had passed since Amanda got the scholarship.

A day, nothing more than a man made invention of time combined with the earth making a half turn away from the sun.

But to me this day was so much more. It wasn't the fact that it was time taken up. For I learned long ago that it is what you do with that time that truly matters in the general scheme of things.

Thinking about the past twenty-four hours, I realized I had done nothing but wallow. Wallow and make things so much worse and unforgivable.

Even thinking about wallowing made the pain worse.

I spent the night crying whilst josh was asleep. I made sure his heart rate reduced to a slow, steady rhythm before I let myself feel truly alone.

For that was what I was…alone. After what had felt like hours but was only one (counting from when josh fell asleep), I couldn't take it anymore.

I thought back to the last time I felt like this. Like there was nowhere I could feel…safe, loved, and happy.

My memories brought me back to the second week I spent at the Tragger house. Josh had insisted I was an alien, and then, for all I knew, I was.

But even though I know, better now I remembered feeling comforted by the stars. They made me feel small, but that was okay.

I was just one of many people, not an alien, not an experiment. Just Kyle Tragger, the only person I wanted to be.

_Just wanted one more chance_

_Just thinking about my last_

_Now you say you can help me_

I sat outside hardly feeling the biting cold. I found myself not even looking up as I came out. I closed my eyes and wanted nothing more than to just be.

I found my ears straining towards the house that stood right beside me. Amanda was sleeping peacefully.

If anything could make me smile it was that. I focused my own heart and body on that sound. I felt myself connecting with it.

Like we were one, again. I made a mental note to thank Nichol for this meditation technique.

My eyes snapped open from the daze I was hoping to fall deeper into.

Jessie's heart was beating right behind me.

_Chorus_

_But I know this is so wrong tonight, _

_Yet in some part of my, _

_Mind it feels so right, _

_Help I'm falling for you, _

_No no no this can't be true, _

_Don't know if I want it to be, _

_I just want to see, _

_If it can take away the pain, _

_Oh oh oh _

"What are you doing here?" I said without turning around.

"I couldn't sleep," she muttered, and sat down cross-legged next to me.

"I think you know why," she said gently.

I opened my mouth to speak but realized I had no idea what I wanted to say.

Jessie turned her gaze from my eyes to look up at the stars.

"They're so beautiful," she said distractedly.

I nodded. I didn't trust my voice to come out controlled and I knew Jessie knew it too.

She knew everything about me. There were no secrets, no worries. She could take care of herself as well as I. I wanted to tell myself how the electrons I was transmitting caused our brain's pheromone chemicals to over react during our kiss.

Then, when my heart pulsed it was from anxiety from knowing it wasn't Amanda I was about to kiss. But I was starting to wonder if what Amanda said wasn't only from her not knowing my secret.

_I'm so not over it, _

_Not even close, _

_So why am I here with you? _

_It's not like there's nothing else to do, _

_Just don't want to be alone right now, _

_And I'm not sure I care how_

"Kyle,' she started, after her own heart rate had steadied. I'm…I'm really sorry about what happened."

_She wasn't lying_, I thought in amazement.

I knew how they felt about each other. But even though I knew she was really just feeling bad that I was hurt, I still felt slightly touched.

Through my peripheral vision, I saw her hand inch along the grass toward my own. Her soft fingers closed around mine.

If she had tried that on any other night, I knew my instinctive reaction would have been to pull away without thought. But tonight…I didn't know.

_But I know this is so wrong tonight, _

_Yet in some part of my, _

_Mind it feels so right, _

_Help I'm falling for you, _

_No no no this can't be true, _

_Don't know if I want it to be, _

_I just want to see, _

_If it can take away the pain, _

_Oh oh oh _

Her eyes were boring into mine now. I knew she wanted an answer but I wasn't sure how to tell her what was on my mind. But even more than that, I wasn't sure I wanted to admit it to myself.

"Kyle… Look I know that you're heartbroken but there is something I have been waiting to tell you."

Her heartbeat quickened and her body temperature rose slightly.

I wasn't sure I was ready to hear what I knew she was about to say.

I met her gaze with my own eyes fighting the burning coming from my chest.

"Jessie, I know what you are about to say,' I exclaimed. But how can you know?" I challenged.

"How can you know what?" Jessie was trying to make doubly positive that we were on the same page.

She was making this more difficult, but I knew it wasn't intentional.

I took a deep breath and said the words I never wanted to say, let alone with my own voice.

"That we were made for each other."

_It can't be right, _

_But you're the one here to hold my hand tight, _

_Can't be true, _

_How could I be falling for you?_

With her right hand still holding mine, her left found its way to my face, gently lifting it upwards.

Looking me directly in the eye, she said very clearly, "do you really want to know?"

"Yes," I whispered tenderly without even knowing why my voice had come out like that.

All I knew was I was being sucked in to her brown eyes.

She was drawing nearer to me, till she was so close I could see her every facial feature.

I felt paralyzed by her stare. I found myself mindlessly moving in towards her. Our lips met for the second time.

_But I know this is so wrong tonight, _

_Yet in some part of my, _

_Mind it feels so right, _

_Help I'm falling for you, _

_No no no this can't be true, _

_Don't know if I want it to be, _

_I just want to see, _

_If it can take away the pain, _

_Oh oh oh _

I felt as though she was the one with an electrically charged hand holding my face this time.

Through a whorl of fiery intensity, the kiss dragged on.

I kissed Amanda with this kind of passion but never with this intensity. It was a different kind of connection. There was no holding back. There was no fear, because this time there was nothing to lose.

We broke apart for air after holding on by the lips for five minutes.

Our foreheads touched and we leaned in to each other.

"Wow,' Jessie struggled to say. That was so very-"

"Intense," I finished breathlessly.

_But I know this is so wrong tonight, _

_Yet in some part of my, _

_Mind it feels so right, _

_Help I'm falling for you, _

_No no no this can't be true, _

_Don't know if I want it to be, _

_I just want to see, _

_If it can take away the pain, _

_Oh oh oh _

Just then, as if the light I had exploded previously had gone off in my head, I jumped to my feet in shock. I couldn't believe what I had just done. The very thing that was causing me this pain, I had just redone.

Only this time I didn't have the cushion of telling myself why I did it. This time I had no idea why.

All I knew was I liked it. I _really_ liked it. And that scared me far more then latnock ever could.

My eyes bulged in horror and I turned back to the house so fast I almost tripped over my own feet. Stumbling, I muttered a very rushed, "I'm so sorry."

And I ran back in to the safety of my tub. For the first time that I could remember I wished so strongly that I never had to think again.

*******************************

Jessie watched Kyle go with a frown. She almost had him and then he thought of Amanda again. She felt guilty that she was glad it ended between them. But only because it was at Kyle's expense. She didn't want him hurt.

She just wanted him to see, that she was not only made for him….but she loved him.

The end.

(Authors notes)

First off I would love to thank my wonderful beta Patwas-Potter. You rock!

I wrote this song thinking about Kyle xy. I thought he seems to be going in that direction. He loves Amanda but how does he REALLY feel about his new 'house' mate. I figure if he is so out of it that he gets drunk, then he would be depressed enough to kiss Jessie again. So please tell me what you think.

So I have a few questions to ask.

Was I out of character at all?

Were the characters real enough?

Could you picture everything that was going on?

What can I do to improve?

Did you feel like there was enough emotion going on?

Did you understand everything in the dialog?

If not how can I make it all better?

Were there enough details?

Was the writing too simple?

Were you able to picture it as it went on?

And anything else you can think of that wasn't right or could be better please don't hesitate to tell me.

Thanks so much for reading. And please leave a review.


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